Monday, November 12, 2007

Getting In Shape

My number one priority right now is to actually get in shape. It is super frustrating becuase I go to the gym everyday and eat right. I have not drank in the last month and have decided to not drink until New Years (except for maybe a glass of wine with turkey dinner). When I go to the gym I do cardio for an hour and then lift weights, depending on the day and how tired I am. I always end with about 20 minutes of abs followed by stretching. It has seemed to me that the more I work out and try to get in shape, the more of a battle it is. I am not losing any weight and I hate looking at myself in a mirror. I went to the doctor to have blood drawn to see if there is something wrong with my thyroid or adrenal glands. I truly hope that there is something wrong with them because if it isnt then I really dont know what else to do. I have tried just about everything to get in shape. I have tried every diet and I have always struggled with my weight and hated how skinny and petite my sisters are, despite how active I am. I hate having the nurses weigh me at the doctor's offices and comment "your a big girl!" or how I can't share clothes with any of my friends. Or how my skinny friends bitch about miniscule "cellulite" on the back of their firm ass.

So I am at a complete loss at what to do. I should know within a week about the bloodwork to see if it is internal. In the meantime, I think I will begin running. Julie runs all the time now and she looks amazing (not that she didn't before, she is lean now, not just muscular). Despite how much I hate it and how much it hurts my knee, I am literally at my wit's end here.

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